By Rahul Lal
Blink 182/Transplants drummer Travis Barker stopped by to join Amber Rose and Dr. Chris Donaghue on Play.It’s Loveline with Amber Rose last night. The wide-ranging discussion went from Barker’s very first crush through topics such as polyamorous and abusive relationships.
“It was a girl named Amber,” Barker laughed. “It was seventh grade and you know how they crown you prince or princess because you’re kind of the popular kid in school? She was my queen or whatever, I don’t know what the f— you call it, but she was awesome. That was my first real crush.”
Amber and Dr. Chris were fielding calls and took one from a listener who was unsure whether they could be involved and be happy in a polyamorous relationship, or an “open” relationship. Dr. Chris described a bit of background to the parameters that must exist around creating a healthy polyamorous relationship.
“My theory to people that want to discuss the possibility of being polyamorous is if your current relationship is going really well and you’re really happy, you can [do it] because you have what it takes to handle one relationship beautifully,” he explained. “You also have the needed foundation to discuss, talk about and set the boundaries of what it’s like to have these other partners. If you’re in a relationship that’s struggling, you’re not healthy enough or ready to have another relationship or open it up and have more. A lot of people do that as a way to not have to leave the primary.”
When asked about his own opinions on the subject, Travis was quick to explain that he can understand others being successful within it but that it also isn’t for him. Travis revealed that it isn’t typically easy for him to groom even one successful relationship and so the circumstances are never right to create one that is polyamorous. With his relationships in the past, he’s learned that when he’s looking at other women, he knows he’s ready to leave the relationship so he doesn’t cheat or play with temptation.
Though he may sound like something of a player, he really does believe that sex and love don’t always have to be two separate things as many sex-positive people often do. The response came after being prompted by a caller asking about waiting the right amount of time to have sex with his partner and ensuring that, because he has intense feelings for her, she wouldn’t only see it as sex but deepened feelings as well.
“I think if you already have feelings for the person, sometimes it can change,” said Travis. “That’s when sex can turn into love. If I was in love with a girl and then didn’t have sex with her for a month and then we were to be with each other intimately, I guess it would mean more than sex. If you really care about someone, sex can feel different if you really care, rather than a one night stand or just some girl you hooked up with and you both know it is what it is.”
One caller asked for advice on being in an abusive relationship. “It’s a risk but if you see any signs of the next guy kind of being abusive, whether it’s verbal, mental or physical, just get out of there as quickly as possible,” she said definitively. “I was in an abusive relationship before and it was difficult. I really said [to myself] ‘I’m going to continue to open up my heart for love and I don’t want to become bitter or assume that every guy that I date is going to be like that because not every guy is like that.’ You should give yourself an opportunity to feel love and give it as well.”
On a somewhat lighter note, Barker was asked about balancing music and his family and whether he feels he has done a good enough job. He explained that his kids have been traveling on the road with him since they were only two and that they are his entire world.
“My kids come first, I’ll always say that,” he said. “They’re better than any record I’ve produced or anything. My kids are my number one then my music follows then everything else. I think if you have a near-death experience, it kind of puts things into perspective. I had one and that was the one thing when I was in a hospital bed for five months, I was just like ‘F—, what would I have done differently?’ The only thing I said was that I would spend more time with my kids and I was already always with them – they were on tour with me but that was the most precious thing to me was my time with my family.”
Watch the full episode of Loveline with Amber Rose below.